happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
