I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
