Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize