whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
