I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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