you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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