Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
