He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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