I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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