Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
