Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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