I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
