Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
