Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
