my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize