my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
