I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
