Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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