If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
