never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
