Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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