So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
