If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
