Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
