I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
