if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
