i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
