the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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