so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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