Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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