either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
