Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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