in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's blow job season.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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