Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Congratulations! We have a period
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
