Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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