So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
