since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
not ubering you a puppy
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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