i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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