we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
