wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
