I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
