Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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