this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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