guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were destined to go to rehab together
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
