he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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