what day is it and did you see me today?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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