I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
