we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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