dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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