Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
