Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
