**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
