His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize