we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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