the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
