how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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