the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
