so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
