she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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