We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
