He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
