Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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