we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
that's an acceptable place to lick
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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