I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
