Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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