Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
