You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
