Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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