what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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