Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
