Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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