Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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