I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
