There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
