I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
