I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
