The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
