I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
