My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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