my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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