Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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