felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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