my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
