are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
