Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
