I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
