A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think people are normalizing furries
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize