my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
