Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize