i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
