Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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