U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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