You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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