we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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