I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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