he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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