Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
