my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
