Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
