Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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