grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
