yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
