I wish I could teleport
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
