Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
