i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
