Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
