soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
