the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
