hotel room ftw
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
