i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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