I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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