OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
